Your idea of a normal birth is not normal

Common sense tells us that giving birth is as natural as a cat finding a cozy box under your apartment stairs for her new batch of kittens. If a mom-to-be is healthy and the pregnancy progresses smoothly, she is well-prepared for a straightforward delivery. Have you ever encountered a surprise kitty nursery in your building? Animals excel at the birthing process, and even monkeys with their tiny hips manage perfectly well without help.

Mother Nature has it all under control.

What does having a natural normal birth mean to you?

Did you see births growing up?

Back in the day, women used to work alongside a group of other women who offered straightforward and helpful support. It was like they had a bunch of doulas around, even though they weren't called that. (I found out that 'Doula' originally meant a woman's servant in a negative way, but now it's taken to mean support.)

We learn from imitation.

I found it fascinating that an orphaned orangutan, who had never observed another female caring for a baby, was taught to breastfeed. You can read that intriguing story here. A zookeeper who had recently become a mother breastfed her baby in front of the orangutan, hoping to teach the primate. Remarkably, the orangutan was able to nurse her own newborn in less than 24 hours. Breastfeeding is a completely natural process, but like birth, it is something that needs to be observed, mimicked, and learned as the norm.

It makes me think about whether the whole ‘cover up’ approach is actually making things harder for mums when it comes to breastfeeding or birth. I was really lucky to see my aunt breastfeeding openly, especially back when it was still a bit of a taboo in conservative Singapore. However, what about birth? Should a mother be allowed to have whoever she wants at her birth?

In earlier times, children might have witnessed real births or even been present when their siblings were born. During my childhood, my understanding of birth came solely from watching women in distress on television. I assumed a natural birth simply referred to a vaginal delivery and questioned why anyone would choose to deliver a baby through such a small opening, believing it inevitably involved tearing. Birth was never linked to pleasure or joy.

In Singapore, it is uncommon to encounter a birth story without any intervention. Based on my observations, out of every 10 women I've talked to, 5 would undergo induction, and 8 would have some form of epidural. Only 1 woman might experience a birth without pain relief, and there could be a rare case of a completely intervention-free birth—from the beginning to the delivery of the placenta. If the majority of women experience intervention, has this become the standard for normal birth?

If I were to identify reasons for the significant rise in elective c-sections, inductions, and other interventions, the following frequently come to mind:

1. I just did what the doctor told me to and on hindsight, I regret it.

2. I was scared of the pain.

3. I was pressured into the intervention even though my instincts told me otherwise.

So what is normal?

As a birth doula who has conversed with numerous other doulas, I can assure you that I have witnessed different forms of normal natural births. Our contractions differ, our babies develop at various stages, their positions change according to our bodies, and overall, our bodies exhibit a wide range of variations.

And you know what? It would have been considered okay at some point.

Many people are unaware that doctors have varying approaches. Why not choose a caregiver whose practice aligns with your birth preferences?

It's essential to have confidence in the process, maintain decision-making power, and ask questions. This is why I urge expectant parents to seek comprehensive natural childbirth education. Fear and uncertainty can halt labor or lead to significant discomfort.

I believe most women are able to birth naturally….sometimes, this is not available when a mother is unwell. There are certain circumstances when medical assistance is appreciated. When routinely applied however, it causes more harm than help.

More important than a fully natural birth is one where women are allowed to birth instinctively, have her birth wishes respected and if things go sideways, have full control over her choices. This is how you prevent a traumatic birth.

What’s so great about having a natural normal birth?

My husband asked me this question when I chose a natural birth for my second child. At that moment, I paused and questioned whether my goals were about proving something.

Don’t misunderstand me. I was quite proud of myself when I accomplished it, as are most of my clients. It's called labor for a reason—it feels like running a marathon and more.

However, it is crucial to preserve the hormonal process of labor and birth that enables you to mother. I'm not just referring to the incredible bonding and breastfeeding prolactins that activate during labor, or the bonding and protective mama-bear effect of oxytocin, or the rewarding euphoria that endorphins bring in natural childbirth, or the continued oxytocin release as you breastfeed during the long, routine days of caring for a baby. These hormones, along with many others, work together to enhance your mothering instincts, helping you understand your child's needs and what you need to do. (Additionally, having functional, respectful postpartum support is important.)

It was considered a dysfunction when animal mothers refused to care for their babies.

Many modern birth interventions have led to unsatisfactory labour and birth experiences—many women suffer from postpartum depression and are told to dismiss their feelings, to simply be grateful their babies are safe and alive.

This approach is not beneficial to anyone. Mothers who are mentally and emotionally healthy nurture children who are also mentally and emotionally healthy. These children, in turn, shape our future world. Through Hypnotherapy, I have discovered that adults often carry emotional scars from their birth, infancy, and childhood, which later manifest as harmful patterns in adulthood. No baby can thrive without connection.